The Living Room Floor

Beware of it.

Especially if it’s overrun with little human beings and their toys.

If you are brave (substitute ‘presumptuous’) enough to lay down on it, don’t be disillusioned about blending in with the carpet.

You will become a toy. A mountain, in fact, and the insides of your unsuspecting pajamas will become uncharted territory for various stuffed creatures’ expeditions.

If you have fine instincts and are capable of bracing yourself for imminent bodily damage, you’ll be able to anticipate a drooling baby gripping fists full of your hair just before toppling to the floor, and when the roots of it are torn from your scalp, you’ll silently wince instead of yelp in agony.

And speaking of hair, - which barely got shampooed yesterday and wasn’t scheduled for another washing for at least a few more days - if you hear a baby make a really wet barfing sound over the back of your head, be sure to hastily ask the observant toddler, “Did she spuke in my hair?!!” so as to prevent far-reaching tress disaster.