It’s one of my new favorite pastimes.
In the past week, it has been made clear to me that the mommy and daddy flies out in these parts are anything but Chinese. There are probably more of these winged satans per square inch in my kitchen than there are oriental personages per 1000 square miles in their country. Blame it on the weather, blame it on whatever you will - this ordeal is wreaking havoc on my obsessive-compulsive domestic self-esteem!
Unfortunately, our flyswatter was lost in the move back in December, and we’ve been unarmed out in bug country ever since. Unarmed, that is, unless you count my moves-too-slow-to-sneak-up-on-a-bug-with-a-million-eyes-hand that’s at the end of my own arm. You’re right – that hardly qualifies as an adequate executor of fly obliteration… especially if I am a little timid to get bug guts on my bare hand. Yeeesh!
Lucky for me, my husband recently left an Ohio Catholic Education Association Conference News Gazette (which boasts a session entitled Just Environmental Spirituality by Sr. Leanne M. Jablonski, FMI, Ph.D. (Pshaw!)) in the middle of the war zone.
Ahhhh, a weapon.
Now I’m whacking nasty flies like someone’s paying me to do it. And since that priceless piece of print media guarantees that my hands stay bug-gut-free, I’m smashing those good-for-only-their-Creator-knows-what-insects so fast and hard that they’re practically disintegrating on impact.
The flies are fewer. My self-image is rising. And I’m even getting compliments. Says the toddler: “Hey! Mommy, you’re good at this game! Did you know that, Mommy?”
Thank you, my dear son. I’ll be dropping a nickel in your John Deere piggy bank to compensate you for wiping up all those smashed fly guts with your breakfast napkin.
3 comments:
I was going to buy you a flyswatter when we were out last, but forgot. You seem to be having more fun this way anyway.
We had this same ordeal about a month ago, much to the dismay of my 6 year old budding Franciscan son. What I found works very very well, less messy than newspaper and more accurate, is a dustbuster. Just suck, and dump :)
Don't go buying a flyswatter. Don't ya know we have numerous swatters from...where else? An auction! K might be willing to give one up, though he is quite attached to them.
Just ask.
-Aks
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